Why Showing Up Still Matters When You’re Afraid of Being Seen

By Derek Colvin, LPC-S, CGT - The Giant Therapist

Real. Raw. Unfiltered reflections on authenticity, fear, and why depth still cuts through the noise.

The Fear That Never Really Goes Away

There’s a myth that once you’ve done something long enough, the fear disappears. That confidence eventually replaces doubt, and showing up starts to feel automatic. In my experience, that’s not how it works. The fear doesn’t vanish. It just changes shape. Early on, the fear is about whether you can do the thing at all. Later, it becomes about whether people will see you clearly once you’re doing it.

That’s the fear most men don’t talk about. Not the fear of failing publicly, but the fear of being known publicly. The fear that if people really hear what you think, see what you struggle with, or learn where you’ve messed up, they’ll decide you don’t belong in the room anymore. So we hedge. We polish. We keep things light. We talk around the hard stuff instead of through it.

And the problem isn’t that men don’t want depth. It’s that most of us were taught that depth comes with consequences.

What Happens When You Stop Performing

One of the things that has surprised me most in doing The MAJO Podcast is how quickly things deepen when performance drops. When the goal isn’t to impress, persuade, or package something neatly, people relax. Conversations stop sounding rehearsed. Stories come out sideways instead of scripted. Emotion shows up without being invited.

That doesn’t happen because anyone is trying to be brave. It happens because the environment feels safe enough for honesty to surface on its own. When there’s no pressure to have answers or look put together, people stop guarding the parts of themselves that usually stay hidden.

Depth doesn’t come from courage alone. It comes from feeling safe enough to stop performing.

This is where a lot of content misses the mark. It chases vulnerability as a brand instead of creating conditions where vulnerability actually makes sense. Real openness isn’t loud. It’s not dramatic. It’s often quiet, halting, and imperfect. And it only shows up when people trust they won’t be punished for it.

Why Men Are Starving for This Kind of Space

Men aren’t disconnected because they don’t care. They’re disconnected because most spaces ask them to either dominate or disappear. There’s very little room in between. Either you’re supposed to have it all figured out, or you’re expected to keep your head down and not say much at all. What rarely exists is a place where men can talk honestly about marriage, friendship, sex, identity, parenting, grief, and doubt without being reduced to a stereotype. A place where they don’t have to prove strength by being stoic or toughness by being aggressive. A place where curiosity is valued more than certainty.

That’s why conversations like the ones we have on the show actually land. Not because they’re edgy or provocative, but because they’re familiar in a way most men don’t get to experience out loud. They sound like the internal dialogue men are already having - just finally spoken.

Most men don’t need more advice. They need permission to talk without pretending.

The Cost of Hiding the Parts You’re Afraid Of

One of the hardest things about being visible is knowing that visibility eventually exposes your flaws. The parts of you that don’t align with the image you’d prefer people to hold. Old wounds. Family ruptures. Parenting regrets. Relationship failures. The places where you didn’t show up the way you wish you had. Avoiding those truths can feel protective in the short term, but it comes at a cost. The more you hide, the more isolated you become. Even when you’re surrounded by people. You start managing perception instead of building connection. You’re present, but not fully there.

What I’ve learned, both personally and professionally, is that acceptance doesn’t come from perfecting your image. It comes from letting people see you as you are and surviving the experience. Over time, that survival rewires something deep. You realize you don’t have to earn belonging by being flawless.

Why Authenticity Isn’t a Buzzword. It’s a Risk

Authenticity gets thrown around so much that it’s lost its weight. But real authenticity is risky. It means letting go of the illusion of control. It means trusting that being honest won’t cost you everything. It means showing up even when you’re not sure how you’ll be received.

That’s true in podcasts, friendships, marriages, and parenting. When people choose authenticity over image, something shifts relationally. Others feel permission to do the same. Conversations get fuller. Repair becomes possible. Shame loosens its grip.

And that’s where growth actually happens, not through advice or performance, but through shared humanity.

When one person stops hiding, everyone else breathes a little easier.

Why This Still Matters

In a world full of noise, hot takes, and curated personas, depth still cuts through. People can tell when something is real. They can feel the difference between content that’s trying to sell something and conversation that’s simply trying to be honest. If this reflection resonates, it’s probably because it names something you’ve felt but haven’t always had language for. That quiet tension between wanting to be seen and fearing what might happen if you are. You’re not alone in that. Most men are carrying it, whether they admit it or not.

For more real, raw, unfiltered conversations about marriage, fatherhood, identity, and mental health, follow @themajopodcast on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Spotify, and all podcast platforms. On Facebook, you can find me at @thetherapygiant. On IG and TikTok, you can find me at @thegiant_therapist.

When You’re Ready to Talk Without Pretending

If something in this stirred recognition, not urgency, not pressure, just recognition, that matters. Whether it’s through therapy, conversation, or simply being more honest with the people already in your life, that pull toward depth is worth paying attention to. I work with men, women, and couples who are tired of performing their way through relationships and are ready to understand themselves more honestly. If you want to explore what that kind of work could look like, you can schedule a consultation here:https://www.thegianttherapist.com/booking-calendar/initial-phone-consultation

You don’t have to have it all figured out to show up. You just have to be willing to be real.