Things I Regret I Said While Parenting

By Derek Colvin, LPC-S — The Giant Therapist

Real. Raw. Unfiltered Reflections on Growth and Repair

There’s something about parenting that humbles even the most confident person. You walk in thinking you’ll be calm, wise, emotionally present—then one day you hear yourself say, “Because I said so!” and realize you sound exactly like the parent you swore you’d never become. When we recorded the first episode of The MAJO Podcast, we called it “Things I Regret I Said While Parenting.” We laughed—a lot. But underneath the laughter was a quiet ache: the awareness that every parent, no matter how loving or well-intentioned, carries words we wish we could take back. Those moments linger because they touch something sacred—the gap between who we wanted to be and who we actually were in that instant.

The echoes we don’t notice

One of my co-hosts, Jason, said something that stuck with me: “My kids talk exactly like I did growing up.” It’s funny until you realize they learned that tone, that impatience, that sharpness—from you. We raise our kids inside the emotional climate we inherited. Many of us grew up in homes where emotions were an inconvenience. If you cried, someone said, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” If you got scared, you were told to toughen up. So when we become parents, we don’t mean to repeat those patterns—they just live in our reflexes. We want to protect our kids, but sometimes our protection comes out as pressure. We want to teach them resilience, but we confuse that with repression.

And yet, our kids don’t just need us to be strong. They need us to be safe.

When your kids end up teaching you

Mack, one of our guest hosts, told a story that had us in tears—both kinds. His young daughter had her candy stolen at school, and Mack, trying to teach her to stand up for herself, told her to go in the next day and “handle it. ”His daughter thought about it and said, “I decided whoever took it probably needed it more than me.” That moment stopped all of us. Because that’s how growth sneaks up on you as a parent—your child becomes your mirror. They show you what empathy looks like when you’ve forgotten. They model the restraint and grace you’re still trying to develop. And if you’re humble enough to notice, they raise you right alongside themselves.

Parenting without a blueprint

I was seventeen when my wife and I had our first child. By twenty-four, we had five. We were building a family while still trying to build ourselves. My dad wasn’t there. My mom was loving, but anxious—and that anxiety ran through the walls of our home like an electrical current. Control became her comfort, and unknowingly, I carried that same instinct into my own parenting. I equated structure with safety and obedience with love. It took therapy—and a lot of apologies—to realize that control was my fear dressed up as responsibility. I wasn’t protecting my kids; I was protecting myself from feeling powerless. That’s a hard truth to swallow, but it’s one I see in therapy rooms every week. Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about awareness—and the courage to see where our unhealed parts leak into the way we love.

How repair actually happens

At some point in the episode, we talked about repair—how to circle back when you’ve said or done something that missed the mark. Jason said, “Their perception is their reality." That’s one of the most important truths in any relationship—parenting, marriage, or friendship. Your intent doesn’t erase someone else’s experience. The first step to repair isn’t explaining; it’s listening. Let them tell their story. Let them name what hurt. Then validate their experience, even if you don’t fully agree with their version. Because validation isn’t the same as agreement—it’s the acknowledgment that their emotional reality matters. And when you say, “You’re right, that must have felt awful,” you reopen the door to connection. That’s what every child—and every partner—really wants: to know you care more about understanding than being right.

The long game

Mack said something during that episode that every parent should write on their bathroom mirror: “Don’t forget what the mission is.” If the mission is control, you’ll win arguments and lose relationships. If the mission is connection, you’ll take some pride hits along the way—but you’ll raise emotionally intelligent humans who trust love to be safe, even when it’s messy.

That’s the work. Not raising perfect kids, but becoming the kind of adults they feel safe coming home to.

What I know now

If I could go back and talk to my 17-year-old self—the brand-new dad trying to hold it all together—I’d tell him this: You don’t have to get it all right. You just have to stay open. Apologies go further than lectures. Empathy repairs more than control ever could. And your children don’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one. Because one day, if you’re lucky, they’ll look back and say, “Yeah, they got it wrong sometimes—but they always came back to make it right.” And that’s what matters most.

Keep the conversation going

This reflection grew out of The MAJO Podcast episode, “Things I Regret I Said While Parenting.” It’s a mix of laughter, confession, and grace—a few dads being real about where we got it wrong and what we learned along the way. But the truth is universal. Whether you’re a dad, mom, or co-parent, we all want the same thing: to raise our kids without losing ourselves, and to repair what we’ve unintentionally hurt along the way.

If you’re in that place of wanting to grow without the guilt, come join the conversation. We’re all still learning how to love better than we were taught.

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